A Hard Day's Dismemberment
In the last scene (2 months ago), Carlo had a strange dream dealing with a
chicken, who may have been his father, which Dr. Frankenfurter's new meat
cutter chopped up into bits. The chicken, which is more than likely NOT
his father, told Carlo (the ring holder) that the Society of, well, we
never got to that part, needed his help. Also in that scene obsessed
Carcass fans & all-around revolutionaries Ron & Matt searched the
apartment of their former comrade (the one who ran from the
Meatery Eatery at the speed of light in Scene 3) only to find a coded
message. Also, Griff had a date. This may not seem useful to anybody
but Griff, but then again it just so happens that her father owns the
Cesspool, a club of some sort in San Fransisco where the Walkettes are
going to play on Friday.
We now join our confusing movie already in progress:
It's another day of work for the boys as they enter through the back door
of the Meatery Eatery. the camera follows the fab 4; Griff is seen
removing his jacket while brushing off the remaining squirrels from Scene
5; he grabs his bloody apron and proceeds to push buttons on Dr.
Frankenfurter's wonderful new meat grinder; food pours out and the band
gets to work on in as well, preparing it for Dr. Frankenfurter (music in
background: Incarnate Solvent Abuse) while Jeff shapes the meat into
buildings or whatnot. The camera shifts over to Ken, who wipes his hands
and grabs Carlo on the shoulder...
Ken: Carlo, we need to talk.
Carlo: Look, man, if I own property on the beach I can damn well walk
Ken: No, not about that. Follow me. (the two go up a flight of stairs
leading to an alley outside) About that ring...
Carlo: you can't have it.
Ken: Um, I didn't say I wanted it.
Carlo: Well, the ring belonged to my dad, and I chopped him up and now
I'm gonna keep it...
Ken: I thought you said you found it on a chicken.
Carlo: Well I did. It turns out that somehow my pop was poultry.
Ken: Really? How did you find this out?
Carlo: he did, in a dream last night. He said that his secret society
needed me to wear it
Carlo: or something like that.
Ken: look, this isn't about who gets to keep the ring. You mentioned
yesterday that you found it on the chicken and that you also found a
squirrel wearing a shoe.
Carlo: Yeah, but I figured that I let him keep the shoe, I've already
got a pair.
Ken: Listen, Carlo, don't tell the others but I REALLY don't think that
we've been grinding & processing animal meat.
Carlo: What makes you think that?
Ken: (getting slightly agitated) BECAUSE animals don't NORMALLY wear
Carlo: Are you calling my father an animal?
Ken: that wasn't your dad!
Carlo: I'll ask me mum about that.
Ken: I mean your dad is not a chicken!
Carlo: Hey, you leave my family alone! I'm very proud of pop even if he
is a flightless bird. It's people like you who make this a bad place to
live by discriminating those who are different...
(meanwhile, dammit, around the corner...is Matt & Ron. The 2 are looking
around the Meatery Eatery for...)
Matt: a clue. We need to find a clue to where this guy could have gone.
Ron: What, you don't believe that he ran out at the speed of light?
Matt: I'm sure we would have seen that happen or something. I mean, the
door didn't even open after he went to go to the bathroom. Maybe he sped
out a window in the back or something.(the 2 approach the alley)
Ron: Dammit batman there's no window here!
Matt: Hmmm, I don't see how he could have...OH MY GOD! (runs off...)
Ron: Hey! (watches Matt run down the alley & follows him) Where you going?
Ken: Look, enough stupid one-liners about your father being a chicken.
What I was trying to get at is that there's something odd going on around
here and I don't think we're chopping up anima--
Matt: (Runs up, out of breath) Hey, are you Ken Owen, from the Walkettes?
Ken: Um, yes.
Matt: I'm a big fan! Can I have your autograph?
Ron: (runs up, really out of breath) Hey, whoa, hold on (falls over)
Carlo: Hey, I thought they wobble, not fall down!
Ron: (lying flat on the ground) Hey, aren't you guys in the Walkettes?
Carlo: Yeah, we are!
Ron: Oh man, we love you guys!
Matt: We own every Jeff Walker & The Walkettes-related item we know of!
Ron: including the Official Walkette Walkie Talkies!
Matt: The Official Walkette line of gym shoes!
Ron: (holds up a spray can of:) Walkette Shark Repellant!
Matt: Official Walkette Baking Soda!
Ron: With my pair of Walkette Underoos I can be like Griff!
Matt: The Walkette Board Game brings minutes of fun, hours of endless
Ron: Walkette Lint Roller, made in Flint, Michigan!
Matt: Walkette Bag Of Broken Glass!
Ron: And of course, a copy of STEVE ALLEN: MY LIFE AS A WALKETTE.
Matt: we got that one on sale, half price.
Carlo: Cool. Dedicated fans!
Matt: Yes we are. How about that autograph?
Ken: sure, but I don't have any paper...
Matt: (pulls out sheet of paper, rips off part of it) could you make it
out to "Matt, the guy who has more Walkette stuff that that loser Ron?"
Ron: What are you guys doing in San Fransisco? And ould someone help me up
Carlo: We're just hanging out and working at the Meatery Eatery.
Ken: (signs slip of paper, hands it to Carlo so he can sign it too) Are
you kids going to see us play at the Cesspool this week?
Matt: Hell yeah! Can't wait! Hey, could you guys let us hang with you
backstage and maybe even let us have some of your leftover groupies?
Ken: uh, I guess. do you guys know how to get to the Cesspool?
Matt: sure do, let me write out directions (takes Ken's pen, writes on
the other half of the paper) okay, first you get on a BART and just
take it to Market Street, and then get off their and go down a few blocks
until you reach a Burger King (while he's talking, Ron, who is still on
the ground, notices Carlo's ring and is just plain shocked...) And about
4 doors down is the Cesspool...
Ron: Say, Matt, buddy, I think we need to let our heroes here get back to
work. We need to make that phone call...
Matt: Who are we calling?
Ron: (getting up finally and nodding his head towards the exit of the
alley) You know, THAT GUY we need to call.
Matt: I'm not following here. What guy?
Ron: LOOK! I'M TRYING TO NONCHALANTLY MOVE AWAY FROM THE BAND SO WE CAN
MAKE AN EVIL PLAN ON WHAT WE NEED TO DO WITH THEM LATER!!!!!!!
(Ken & Carlo give puzzled looks to the obsessed fans)
Matt: (a few seconds later...) Oh, THAT guy. Okay. See you fellas at
the Cesspool! (Ken & Carlo just wave as they watch Ron & Matt walk
quickly down the alley)
Ken: Let's go back to work, we can discuss this with the other guys (both
(camera once again follows Matt & Ron as they mosey on down the alleyway,
Matt is still waving while Ron is trying to get as far from the Walkette
members' sight as he can; he approaches a phone booth so the Walkettes,
if they're still watching, would think that he was actually going to call
somebody. At the phone is a middle-aged man with dynamite around his
Ron: (Reaches phone) Sir, are you almost done?
Dennis Hopper: Hey punk, I'm on a really damn serious conversation here,
hold on a second! (talks into phone, he had just dialed...)
Other End Of Phone: Moe's Tavern.
Hopper: Hi, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss? (starts snickering)
Other End: Uh hold on...
(camera shifts so that you can see Hopper with
Matt & Ron waiting for the phone, therefore you can't hear the sound of
the phone anymore...Hopper starts laughing and you can hear the other end
yell "why you little punk if I ever" and then Hopper hangs up and walks away)
Matt: (picks up phone) So, who are we calling?
Ron: Nobody. you won't believe what I just saw!
Ron: Ray's ring!
Ron: Yeah, it was on the Walkette's lead guitarist's hand!
Matt: You don't suppose the people who work at the Meatery Eatery found
out what Ray was up to and chopped him up into little hamburger bits when
he went into the bathroom, do you? (looks at Ron, there's a 10 second
Ron: Woah, that makes a LOT more sense than what I came up with.
Quickly, where's the message! Maybe that guitarist could figure out the
message for us if we force him to tell us how he knew who Ray was and how
he got the ring.
Matt: Um, (searches his pockets) dammit, I used half of it for the
drummer to sign (pulls out half of a sheet of paper, gives it to Ron)
Ron: Whew! There's no other writing on this half! Where's the other...
Matt: (shakes head) I can't believe it, dammit, I gave it to the drummer
when I wrote out directions to the Cesspool...
Ron: (long pause) Aren't I supposed to be the one to screw things up
around here or what?
Matt: I'm sorry.
Ron: That's okay. At least we developed the plot a bit further...
Damn. Once again, sorry for all spelling errors, sorry for the delay,
sorry if this sucks. For corrections, suggestions, revisions and
whatnot, feel free to write. Next: STEVE STONE, ASSASSIN!!!!
Ron R. Rodent
Anyway, the missles are on their way. It's too late to stop them, we're
not gonna win, somebody must be allowed to survive. Remove the warheads,
replace with cheese. Press the button, go ballistic. The other side may
survive, but just think of the MESS!!!!
the InterContinental Ballistic Cheese.