A Hard Day's Dismemberment

Scene Seven

Scene 7: interior of the Meatery Eatery; there is a long line of 
customers now that people don't have to bring their own animals in to be 
slaughtered.  The service is much quicker, there seems to be an 
inexaustible supply of food and the customers all seem to be happy with 
their meals, even if everything- hamburgers, steaks and salads-all taste 
like chicken.  The waitress (played by former CIA-chief George Bush) has 
been working over time and been rakin' in the tips as a result; Dr. 
Frankenfurter has been spending as much time at the cash register as he 
does cooking the meat.  Business is good.  Oddly enough, you'd think that 
a restaurant like this would have regulars, but anybody who goes into the 
bathroom doesn't walk out for some reason...(hmmm)
The Waitress walks on over to Dr. Frankenfurter, who is enjoying the 
slowest moment the restaurant has had the whole day.

Waitress: Check it out, we're raking in money hand over foot.  It the old 
west it'd be hand over hoof you know...
Dr. F: Yes, I know.  This new meat grinder is the greatest thing that 
could have happened to our nation.  
Waitress: Say, boss, you don't suppose people are going to get 
Dr. F: What do you mean?
Waitress: Now, see, let's say someone, let's say his name is Gobble, 
decides to go down to a place like this, not this place exactly, but a 
place like this, and he enjoys his food and decides to lose a few pounds 
in the john...you following me here?
Dr. F: I'm following you...
Waitress: And let's say Gobble has a few close friends.  And one of these 
friends, let's say his name is Neil, notices that Gobble is gone.  He 
gets a little panicky and nervous because something may have happened to 
his bestest buddy in the whole wide world.  (Dr. F. looks around...)  And 
he decides to go find out where, just WHERE his friend had gone, and goes 
to that place, the place that is like this...
Dr. F: But is not this place...
Waitress: right, and finds out just exactly what happened to Gobble when 
he went to the bathroom.
Dr. F: well, um, what do you suppose Neil would do in a situation like this?
Waitress: He'd call the authorities, and the people who run the Meatery 
Dr. F: Place like this but not this place...
Waitress: right, they'd get in some serious trouble.
Dr. F: Um, what do you recommend that the owners of such a place do?
Waitress: Well, I wouldn't know anything about those sorta places, you know?
Dr. F: uh-huh.
Waitress: But if I WERE to know, I'd tell them to deny everything.
Dr. F: Deny everything? 
Waitress: right.  Look, why don't we talk about this later (points to the 
front door window, where two people are about to walk in), we've got 
customers and hopefully some more meat. (walks to the sink to get some 
water for the patrons, who walk in the door)  

(They open the double doors with some force, it's...Ron & Matt, both 
very angry.  The camera shows Ron & Matt walking very quickly 
towards...Dr. Frankenfurter, who starts drying a glass, even though it 
was still being used by a woman sitting at the front counter)

woman: Hey!
Ron: LISTEN BUDDY, (camera once again follows Ron, Matt in tow, charging 
towards Dr. Frankenfurter) I WANNA KNOW ONE THING AND ONE THING ONLY!!!!
Dr. F: (against the wall) um, what's that...
Ron: (pauses for a few seconds) I COMPLETELY FORGOT.  COME ON MATT, LET'S 
GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE (turns around and walks as fast as he did when 
he entered, Matt is still standing there, now just as confused as both 
Ron & Dr. Frankenfurter).
Matt: Um, uh, YEAH!  THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM!  (both exit).
Dr. F: (sorta speechless, waitress walks up to him)  Didn't we kick them 
out of here yesterday?
Waitress: Yeah, I think they were friends of that guy we used for your 
new hamburger recipe.
Dr. F: Huh.  Imagine that.  I thought we had them convinced that he ran 
out of here at the speed of light.
Waitress: I wouldn't know anything about it.
Dr. F: Huh?
Waitress: Just practicing for later.  I wonder how they found out about it.
Dr. F: Hmmm, the only way they could have found out is if they went into 
the basement and discovered it for themselves.  But there's no way for 
them to have gotten down there unless of course...oh no!  The Walkettes!  
George!  Watch the front!

(Dr. Frankenfurter walks down the stairs to the grinder, where the boys 
are blissfully playing with the meat that comes out of the grinder.  
Carlo is having a serious conversation with a slab of meat, & Ken, who is 
now a little suspicious of the meat itself, it examining any slice of 
beef that is attached to any clothing.  Jeff is still unaware of any of 
this and continues to do his Rocky impersonation with a slab hanging in 
the freezer.  Griff is just pulling levers at random, just so he can hear 
the machine make funny gastric noises).

Dr. F: Um, Ken, can I talk to you?
Ken: (drops a shoe he was holding) um, sure.  (walks on over to Dr. F)
Dr. F: Listen, Ken, did you tell anybody about our new machine?
Ken: Uh, no sir, I didn't think there was anything special about it to..
Dr. F: What do you know about how this machine works anyway?
Ken: Well, this is only a wild guess, but I think the meat is thrown from 
the door and the machine cuts it up, removes the bone from meat, 
sterilized the meat from itty bitty microbes over in that glass part, 
and, um, grinds it up some more so you can prepare it.
Dr. F: that's it?
Ken: Yeah.
Dr. F: whew.  And you didn't tell anybody about it, right?
Ken: Um, no sir, you know, I never thought of it as something that would 
really interest my friends.  Well, I told Carlo's uncle that we got a new 
machine at work but that's about it. (Carlo walks up)
Carlo: Man, you would think dad would be more talkative to his own kids.
Dr. F: excuse me?
Ken: Nothing sir, really, Carlo here is just convinced that one of 
chickens we prepared yesterday was his father.
Dr. F: (just looks at Carlo, confused)
Carlo: Really sir, it was.  It told me in a dream.
Dr. F: (just shakes his head and turns his attention to Ken) Why would he 
think that?
Ken: Oh, well, see, sir, it's like this: he found a ring on one of the 
chicken's fingers.
Dr. F: WHAT?
Carlo: Yeah, see?  (shows ring to Dr. Frankenfurter) It's a little odd 
for a chicken to be wearing it, but I think it was my dad's wedding ring, 
though I think he has more taste than that.
Dr. F: (mouth is wide open, can't say a word)
Carlo: Of course, he's also poultry now, so I don't think he really cares 
about fashion now...
Dr. F: (still speechless, turns back to Ken)
Ken: It's true sir, well, everything except for his dad being a chicken.
Carlo: Hey!  He told me in his dream!
Ken: He just found it on one of your processed slabs and kept it because 
we wouldn't want a customer to bite into a chicken leg or something and 
crack his tooth on a ring, right Carlo?
Carlo: and mum would get mad if I lost dad's ring like that.  heck, I 
think she's gonna be mad when she finds out that I grinded him up.
Ken: Anyway, maybe it was from one of those chickens you'd get from that 
weird distributer, what's his name?  He was the guy who always dressed up 
his sheep & chickens in dresses and women's underwear.  We stopped 
ordering from him a year ago I thought because the FDA & several animal 
rights groups asked him to stop doing that...
Dr. F: oh, oh, uh, yeah, I forgot about that.  Heck I got some good deals 
for that, he even threw in some sheep for my own use.  Well, um, yeah, 
maybe that's where I got it from.  (Ken just looks at him funny...) Uh, 
well, keep up the good work, I have to go cook some more. (walks back 
upstairs, waitress is still waiting for him).
Waitress: how's it go?
Dr. F: I...I think they're on to us.
Waitress: why?
Dr. F: Apparently the grinder doesn't separate some of the clothing from 
the meat.  Carlo found a ring on what he says was a chicken.
Waitress: really?  when?
Dr. F: Yesterday, when that...guy those two kids were with went into the 
bathroom and...
Waitress: I wouldn't know anything about it.
Dr. F: What am I going to do?  they're all on to me!  I've got to get rid 
of them somehow.  
Waitress: well, you know, I wouldn't know anything about removing 
witnesses or undesireables or people who could blow your secret 
operations, but I think hiring an assassin would be the best way to get 
rid of them.
Dr. F: Really?
Waitress: What, you think I know about this sorta thing?  I just know 
that that's what some people do when they have these problems.
Dr. F: Well, uh, where do they find such people to get rid of others like 
Waitress: I wouldn't know.  Check the rolodex under A for "assassins," 
there should be a number for Pierre, but...I wouldn't know anything about 
that sorta thing...
Dr. F: (pulls out rolodex) lessee, plumbers, gun runners, here we are!  
Waitress: well, what do you know!  how did that get in there?
Dr. F: (dials phone, holding a notecard from the rolodex.  the phone 
rings and the screen splits into two; one half is Dr. Frankenfurter and 
the other is black until the phone picks up, it's Pierre, the French 
assassin, played by former Cy Young winner & current Cubs broadcaster 
Pierre: un hello?
Dr. F: Hello, Pierre?  It's Dr. Frankenfurter.
Pierre: (throwing darts at picture of Harry Carey) How did you get dees 
Dr. F: Nevermind about that.  I need you to get rid of a few people for me...
(fades out, end of scene...)
Yeah.  Lots of dialog in this action packed sequence.  Well, That's all 
the time I have for today, Cartoon Planet is on now.  Once again, sorry 
for all the spelling errors.  Corrections, suggestions, etc...send em to 
kiadm@prairienet.org  Oh, this WILL be revised before it is added to Matt 
Holliman's Carcass is God page, so if it doesn't seem to flow right now 
don't worry, I'll make it better later...

Ron R.

Anyway, the missles are on their way.  It's too late to stop them, we're
not gonna win, somebody must be allowed to survive.  Remove the warheads,
replace with cheese.  Press the button, go ballistic.  The other side may
survive, but just think of the MESS!!!!

the InterContinental Ballistic Cheese.